Real estate sales executives (estate agents) sometimes get a bad rap. They’re ranked right up there with used car salesmen and lawyers. But they’re not all bad.

As a writer, they have my utmost respect! I can fully appreciate their creative use of language; their ability to hook you with their wordsmithery and enthusiastic use of euphemisms in their listings.

But what does it all mean? I break it down for you below to save you from future house-hunting frustration (and also so you never end up booking an overseas ‘character studio apartment with views’ on Airbnb, and end up staying in a room above someone’s garage! *blush)

The Real Estate Euphemism Dictionary

Authentic:  old

Awaiting your touch: dilapidated

Character: strange features or layout

Charming: hasn’t been painted in years

Classic style: outdated

Collapsed contract: previous buyer pulled out at the last minute due to major issues or over-valuation

Comfortable: cramped

Cottage: room above the garage

Cozy: a shoebox

Duplex: get to know your neighbours way better than you would like

Easy access to public transport: virtually on the motorway or next to railway line

First time on the market in 50 years: An old lady has recently died in the house and it hasn’t been redecorated since it was built

Fixer-Upper: being held together by duct tape

Furnished: owners don’t want to move their junk

Granny flat: a backyard shed or container

Great investment property: you probably don’t want to actually live here

Has potential: needs some serious work

Heritage: you can’t make any alterations; prepare to become well acquainted with the council planning department

Low maintenance yard: landscaping may have died a long time ago or is concrete

Minutes away from the airport:  basically located on the landing strip; you’ll need double-glazed windows

Mortgagee sale: the fittings are missing and you inherit all of the defaulted rates and taxes

Motivated seller: has been on the market forever and the bank is about to step in

Natural setting: is being reclaimed by nature; the bats will crap on your house

Needs TLC / work: major structural damage

Needs updating: hasn’t been touched since the 70s and needs a complete gutting

New appliances: newer than the house anyway

Open / flowing floor plan: very few internal walls to arrange your furniture against

Partial view: view over neighbours double-storey roof and 20-metre tall trees

Priced to meet the market / price reduced: the sellers wanted too much but now they’re desperate

Quaint: tuna can

Quiet neighborhood: no one wants to live there

Renovator’s dream: occupier’s nightmare

Studio: your bed is also your couch

Suits first home buyers: small, cheap and on top of your neighbour

Three bedrooms: two bedrooms and a walk-in-wardrobe

Within walking distance of good schools: school run traffic will block your driveway; kids will graffiti your walls

If you are looking for plain, transparent and easy-to-understand property investment advice, we tell it like it is! Book a time for a free phone chat to find out more about how we can help you get started!

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